A WINGED DISTRACTION

A few days ago, I went outside to the yard. They called it at 8 o'clock in the morning, so it was nice and bright. The yard consists of a pretty decent-sized grassy area to walk, jog, and on which to play soccer. It also has a basketball court and an area where you do pull ups and all sorts of tiresome stuff. My friend and I planned to do pull ups and to walk around. The whole yard is surrounded by two razor fences. Between the two razor fences there's some gravel to walk on (only for the guards). Beyond the second fence, water surrounds the whole prison, and beyond the water there are open fields. Well, when we were walking I saw this little bird on the gravel in-between the fences. The bird caught our attention because she seemed to be talking to us, so my friend and I started talking back to her. She was flapping her wings and doing some kind of dance. My friend was asking if he can sacrifice her as a sin offering, to which I said a big "NO!" She talked and danced for a long time. A little while later we decided to go back and do more pull ups. We got to the other side, and as we started doing pull ups someone came up to us wanting to know what we were looking at near the fence. I told him about the cute, little bird who didn't know what she was doing. I gave him her description, and he knew exactly what kind of bird she was (shows my lack of knowledge in ornithology [and I may have asked around what the study of birds is called just for this letter]). “A Killdeer”. "Did she spread her wings and walk?" he asked. I said, "Yes." "She has an egg somewhere near, then. She was just creating a distraction so that her egg could be safe. That's what they do." I said, "What? I thought she was just a little cuckoo in the head." "She got you, didn't she?" he replied. I turned to my friend and asked a question to which I already knew the answer to: "Did we just get tricked by a cute, little bird?" We sprinted to the other side, where the bird was. She was still there, dancing and talking, creating a distraction. So, we started looking for the egg and sure enough, there it was lying near the fence. It was so close that if we wanted we could have touched it, but we decided not to. A few minutes later we bid farewell to the courageous and caring mother and her baby and headed back for the barracks. 

That evening I called my sister and told her about the bird and her baby. After the call I went back to my cell. It was dark and lonely. So, I reached for the most familiar and restful thing I have: my Bible. I just opened it and stared at it for a minute. It was then when my LORD Jesus spoke to my heart. He said " Remember the bird? Remember how she got in harm’s way to protect her offspring? She learned that from her Creator. She learned it from ME. I did the same for you. When you were lying in your filth, helpless and defenseless, close to the fence, I spread my wings on the CROSS, taking all the condemnation coming your way on me so you can have life. Now live for ME." I blinked. I was humbled and joyful. For HIM to see me mended, HE was torn. And mended I was, because of HIM. 

"He forgave us all our sins, cancelling our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; HE has taken it away, nailing it to the CROSS." - Colossians 2:13-14.

 "He saw me to the bottom and loved me to the skies" ---- Tim Keller. 

 

 

Half-A-Decade

I recently completed five years of being incarcerated. Five years ago, because of my sins, my comfort was taken away from me. My freedom was taken away from me. My life was taken away from me. Five years ago, my sins were unveiled and my hypocrisy was revealed. Five years ago, I decided that I was done running away from Him and decided to run to Him. If someone would have told me that five years ago I would be in prison for the next 5 years, I would have fainted. When I had woken back up, I would have said, "nothing good can happen in those 5 years." Little did I know that my God had different plans. When He said in Genesis 50:20, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present outcome”, He really meant it.

The last five years haven’t been exactly the most luxurious or the most comfortable years. It hasn’t been a shower of good news. It hasn’t been a season of all happiness and all smiles. But it has been a reminder of faithfulness. Not my faithfulness, because I have fallen short many times. It has been a reminder of His faithfulness. His faithfulness has been a strong tower for me (Prov 18:10). His faithfulness has stood strong no matter how devastating the storm. The last years have not been what I expected as they have been the most fulfilling years of my life. I have been stripped off of my pride but been given inexpressible peace. My worldly comforts have been taken away so that I can receive comfort from God to comfort others (2 Cor 1:4). I have been sorrowful, yet rejoicing (2 Cor 6:10). I have lost my freedom, but I have found rest in His perfect will. My old life has died, and Christ Himself has become my life (Col 3:4). In the last five years, what I have gained eternally outweighs what I lost in this world, because I gained Christ.

I used to listen to the song, "Bless the broken road" by Rascal Flatts (Don’t judge me). In my mind the destination of that song was always a girl. That I would find the one, no matter what I went through and how broken I was. But a few years ago, I downloaded the same song, but this time by a Christian group named "Selah." I still remember the first time I listened to that song in prison. A realization became crystal clear to me, and I teared up. I realized that I was wrong this whole time. The destination of the song was never a girl or anything this world could offer. The destination was Jesus. In that instant I went looking for that old hole in my heart that has caused me so much pain and hurt, but I couldn’t find it anymore. Instead I found an overflow of grace, forgiveness and the love of my Lord. My emptiness was filled with Jesus, and I realized that I was no longer lost or blind. With my heart filled with sorrow and gratitude, I asked for forgiveness and gave thanks to Him. This whole time He waited patiently for me while I impatiently made a chaos out of my life. 

“But you just smile and take my hand. You’ve been there, you understand.” – Rascal Flatts
Isaiah 42:3 says, “A bruised reed He will not break and a smoldering wick he will not sniff out.” This is one of the promises that I have seen being fulfilled in my own life. I was a bruised reed, but Jesus healed me. I sought the world and found emptiness. 5 years ago, the Lover of My Soul sought me when I did not think I was worth searching for, and found me. Now my life is hidden with His (Col 3:3). 

In my finiteness I made a fool out of myself, but in His infinite love He is transforming this fool into His disciple. God is Able (Hebrews 7:25)