A week ago, I was sitting in my chair enjoying some music and not wanting any human interaction. Then suddenly, through my peripheral vision, I saw a friend of mine coming towards me. (In my defense, when you live in a barracks with 50 men, sometimes it’s hard to get some space to gather your thoughts.) I tried to act like I didn’t see him even though he pulled his chair really close to me. I guess he didn’t see my sign that read, “No human interactions please.” Then after him staring at me for a while, I gave up and asked him the reason for existing in my space. He had a question for me, a serious one.
He asked, “What if the only reason I am a Christian in here is because I do not have access to the temptations of the free world? What if I am a Christian in here just to get by?”
A few months ago, I was struggling with the same question. Before being locked up, I was a hypocrite. And I was such a good hypocrite that even I did not know that I was one. I had successfully deceived myself (1 Cor 3:18). I was asking God to show me whether my heart was sincere towards Him or if I was still being deceived by myself. That is when God reminded me of a question He asked a man like me 2000 years ago, “Do you want to get well?”
In John 5, Jesus was by a pool near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem. There were a lot of disabled people by that pool. They believed that if they would get to that pool at a specific time, they would be healed of their disease or disability. Jesus saw a man there who had been an invalid for 38 years, and he simply asked him, “Do you want to get well?” The man replied that he had no one to put him in the pool, and the days when he tried to get in, others would pass him and get in the pool before him. Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” And just like that the man was healed.
I was just like the disabled person, a spiritually crippled man sitting in his own filth for so long. Jesus saw me lying there, learned about my condition, and then asked me, “Do you want to get well?” And when he asked, I pointed towards a muddy pool and showed Him my helplessness. He asked, “Do you want to get well?” I answered, “If you can just help me get a better future.” He asked, “Do you want to get well?” I answered, “If you can just help me out to get a lighter sentence.” He asked again, “Do you want to get well?” I answered, “If you can just help me get out of prison.” Is it possible that my pool, my helplessness, captivity and freedom, all these things have nothing to do with me being well? There is a song we sing here called “Son of David” by Ghostship. It is probably our favorite song because we get to shout when we sing the chorus. There is a line in that song that says, “the blind won’t gain their sight by opening their eyes.” All my life, I thought that I could see the pool I needed right before me, but it took God to show me real healing.
It never ceases to amaze me how good God has been throughout my entire life. How He has carried me. How He meets me in a prison cell. How He is running toward me while I am running toward Him. “The life I now live in the body, I live by Faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20
I have often tried to show God the solutions to my problems. I have often tried to chase various pools to satisfy the deepest desires of my heart. And every time it has left me hurt and dry. But God has shown me this: that I will find my wellness in the precious words of Jesus Christ. He has told me, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Now, I will no longer be found sitting around a pool near the Sheep Gate.
“WHEN I WAS FREE, I WAS CHAINED,
BUT WHEN I BECAME CHAINED,
JESUS SET ME FREE!”
