I sit in my cell today feeling disheartened. I don’t even know why I feel this way. Like David, I am questioning my soul; ‘Why are you so discouraged?’ I ask myself, is it my past? Is it my future? Is it my present? I do not understand why I feel this way. I feel broken and lonely. What shall I do? Where shall I go?
I met a guy here who was on fire for God the last time he was in prison. He said he read the Bible and did prayer circles all the time. But when he got out, the first thing he did was to throw away his Bible in the trash can. Even as the Bible hit the bottom, he said to himself, ‘I probably will be back.’ Sure enough, he did make it back!
In my past, when I tried to trek on the roads that I shouldn’t have been on, I learned that those roads led to nothingness. When I tried to run away from God, I was running away to emptiness. In John 6, Jesus feeds the five thousand and walks on the water. In the same chapter, He also gives his disciples a tough teaching about the cost of following Him. Because it was a hard to follow through the hard teaching, many deserted Him. Only the twelve remained. “‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ Jesus asked. Peter answered, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.’”
In this exchange, I grasp the desperation that Peter had. In a way he was saying, ‘I have already tried all that the world has to offer. And I have learned that It all leads to Oblivion.’ In the same way, right now my soul is downcast and my past seems a little too close and my future seems faint. And in the midst of that, Jesus asks me ‘You do not want to leave too, do you?’ In my despondency and my brokenness, all I can say is, ‘Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life.’
Through all this I have learnt that without Jesus, no matter where I am at, I am living to die. But with Jesus I am dying to live. In the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, no one satisfies my soul like my redeemer and my savior JESUS CHRIST does.
‘We have come to believe and to know that YOU are the HOLY ONE OF GOD.’
John 6:69
8 comments:
Jesus will lift you up in time. His timing is Perfect, staying with Him is the BEST way to live!Stay strong my friend, you will make it through this and on to the greatness that comes after!
Believing that in the loneliest of times, God carries us through. Jesus loves you and we love you too.
Praying for you daily that your relationship with Jesus would continue to grow. Always enjoy your writing!
Praying for you daily that your relationship with Jesus would continue to grow. Always enjoy your writing!
Keeping you in prayer brother! Thank you for sharing your heart ❤️ You are a very good writer!
Wow
What beautiful words that bring Him such glory. Oh Lord be so very near and have mercy.
Many a times In the past 40 years of my life, I have felt lowest of lows. Just like you said, without Jesus I would have lived a thousand deaths everyday. However, with Jesus I am dying to live. There is jus I could see in everything who alone keeps me living but with eternal Hope. Thank you for refreshing my spirit with your words of wisdom and God's word.
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